CrossFit Sectionals... seriously???

The CrossFit Games process has begun.  What in the world is that??? Well, CF will say it is the journey to identifying the fittest man and woman on Earth.  Ok... Not going to split hairs with that one.  But nuts and bolts... what is it really about?  CrossFitters from around the world compete to see who comes out on top!  We start with 'sectionals' which are local  regions designated by CF headquarters.  This year is quite different than previous ones in that there are 6 workouts spaced over 6 weeks for the competition.  Workouts are announced by CFHQ at 5pm Pacific on Tuesdays.  Competitors then have until Sunday evening to submit a score.  You have two options for scores... first is to do your workout at an approved CF affiliate with a judge and then they validate your score once it is entered on the website.  Or you may submit your workout via video and it will be judged by the CF community.  Movements must be to a designated standard that is established by HQ.  The top competitors from the sectionals then move on to a regional competition and the top athletes from there will go to the international games this summer.  Soooo... this begs the question...

What in the world am I doing competing in the sectionals??????  

It's ok... I'm not offended that you think that.  I think that about two dozen times a day.  One of the biggest selling points for CF, IMHO, is that it is available to everyone regardless of fitness level, skill or strength.  I have judged CF competitions the last few years and encourage everyone to give it a try.  Well, this year it was thrown back in my face...

"Why aren't YOU competing????"

"well, I'm not very strong or fast. I have bad knees and a torn up shoulder.  I can't do alot of the workouts unmodified, I have to scale everything, I'm not really an athlete you know... ? There wouldn't be any point to it. "

"And what would you say to someone else who gave you that answer?"

"Obviously I would say that is a bunch of crap.  Everyone can CrossFit!  My 70 year old parents do it 3 times a week and I did it even when I was 100 pounds overweight.  It's about jumping in, giving your all and being part of an amazing community.  There is no excuse not to do it!!"

Ya... Nailed myself with that one!  So I signed up.  My box, Practice CrossFit, is holding a sectionals shindig every Friday night for the duration of the competition.  We can all come together to support one another and celebrate our community. It was official, I was in.

The first WOD (workout of the day) was announced.  

30 double unders (the jump rope passes under your feet twice for every one jump)

15 ground to overhead 55# (the barbell has to move from the ground to a locked out position overhead for each movement)

As many rounds as possible in 10 minutes. 

GREAT!!! I can't do double unders and can barely move my own arm overhead let alone a freakin barbell.   I tried to back out but my husband wouldn't let me.  We looked at the online leaderboard and saw there were women who spent their whole 10 minutes to achieve ONE double under.  WOW!!  I have to admire that... if there are women out there doing that how can I possibly not try? I watched videos of competitors missing arms and legs, athletes with fatal illnesses and steel pins holding their bodies together... how could I dare say "I can't" ?

CrossFit truly has no room for ego!  Humility reigns and if you are not willing to lay it all out you will never find your inner athlete through CF.   I finally agreed to just see what would happen. I was hoping to get a few double unders in and I'd be happy.  When my heat came up I was so scared I almost threw up and was shaking so hard I couldn't hold on to the jump rope. I had a judge in front of me to make sure my reps counted... and a group of surprisingly varied supporters surrounding me.

3, 2, 1, GO....   The traditional start to every CF workout.

I honestly can't explain what happened next.  Somehow I got through 3 rounds plus 27 more double unders.  It was the most incredible feeling.  It wasn't really me, but somehow the people around me were channeling energy and skill through me.  It was UNREAL! I laughed, I cried.

The entire evening was a little piece of heaven on earth.  It was what the world should be everyday.  People cheering for and encouraging strangers.  Tears of pain and joy... pride and accomplishment.  I cheered for Cindy... who was in her third week of CF.  What amazing heart she has! The person who was last to finished might well have been coming in for an Olympic Gold by the sounds and support of the crowd. Every person was pushed and cheered as if they were saving the world! I have never been so proud to be part of a community as I was that night!

On to WOD 2.  

9 deadlifts 100# for women/155# for men (this is considered a fairly light weight for most)

12 hands off push ups (you have to go all the way to the ground and pick your hands up before pushing up to plank position)

15 box jumps (this is a standing jump onto a box 20" for women/24" for men

As Many Rounds As Possible (AMRAP) in 15 minutes

Really?? Push ups?  On my toes?  With my shoulder?? I tried a few on Thursday... didn't work.   Nope, none, zip, nada.... not happening.  What to do??  Do I just scale the workout (which is just fine) or try to keep it as prescribed so I can stay on the leaderboard. Spent the afternoon in physical therapy (miracle worker Hollee) and decided to try to stay Rx (doing the workout as it was written).  I planned on getting my 9 deadlifts.. and, well, realistically that would probably be it.  I made peace with it. Once again the time came.  I just wanted to go home. My judge, Nicole, gave me her no crap look and said, "You are going to do this!".  My eyes rolled back into my head.

3, 2, 1... GO!  9 deadlifts. BAM! now what... I sank face down to the floor trying to find a position for my arms that met the standard (not too wide) but didn't send excruciating pain through my whole body. I did one and it was a good rep. I tried another... changed hand position and another.  Nicole and Kara were screaming at me to keep moving, not give up, not give in... Heather M. was yelling at me!!! rep by rep, minute by minute I kept going.  When it was all said and done I ran across the room to my husband ( who was competing at the same time so was unable to watch).  "How did it go?", he asked.  I burst into tears! He hugged me and said, "It's ok, you tried. That's all that counts."  I stepped back and sobbed, "but I did it! I did 5 rounds plus 9 deadlifts plus 5 more pushups!!! I did it RX!!!"  His eyes teared up (sorry hon... but it was so sweet!) and his face was full of pride.  It was so worth it!!!

I don't know what this week will bring and it's unlikely I will be able to continue Rx.  But I am so thankful for this amazing community that helps me to be more than I ever dreamed.  For all of you on the sidelines... there is no excuse.  CrossFit offers you the opportunity to dig deep within yourself and find strength you never knew existed.  Don't let this chance pass you by.  We are all enriched by being part of a community that knows we are more than appearances...

we are community, we are CrossFitters!!

No rant, just the facts

The Arnold was fantastic.  Amazing athletes all around. Inspirational and very motivating.  If you have not ever been to the Arnold Classic you should put it on your calendar for next year.  But on to the facts...

Doing pretty well.  Have been wod ing pretty consistently, have been fairly clean and doing some extra cardio.   I have lost 8 lbs and 2% body fat since 2/28 (last monday).  I am still not where I was in November, but heading the right direction.  Now... as Ryan always reminds me... I will do well if I can just stick with it and not derail!  I have something special coming up that should keep me motivated at least a few more weeks. ;)

I have lost alot of strength... especially in my shoulder with the torn rotator cuff.  Today I tried to press and could only use 20 lbs... anything more and I couldn't even see straight from the pain and couldn't do a back squat at all due to the positioning of my shoulder.  But I can still clean and front squat. :) Most of my lifting is a bit limited now, but I'm doing as much as I can without massive pain!

Monday 3/7
10/8/6/4/2

Full squat clean and jerk (45#  since I'm working on form)
Burpee chest to bar pull ups (didn't go chest to bar, but didn't use a band either)
weighted box jumps 15# 20" box

5.3 mile run (IT band started hurting at mile 4 :(  )
30 push ups
30 ring rows
20 dips (banded)

Today

Box squat (had to do a front squat since I can't hold the bar on my back due to my shoulder) 3 rep max 95#

25 power cleans 65#
25 double unders
25 chest to bar jumping pull ups
2 rounds

30 ring rows, 20 dips, 30 push ups,  DL 1x5 185#, Bench press 3x5 65#, Press 3x5 20#
I should row... but it's getting late and I don't think I'm up to it. About ready to call 'time' for today. Have a great night all!

I will not be that person...

So, ya... It's been a rough few months.  And I have nothing profound to say, but will post in the name of accountability as my peeps are bugging me about this.  Honoring brutal transparency I will confess that I have gained 15 pounds and my body fat has increased 5 points since my low of 21% in November.  This is DIRECTLY related to lack of exercise consistency and over the top, incredibly hideous, dealing with stress food binges.  I accept total responsibility.  Which, in all honesty, sucks.  I think I liked it better when I saw myself through different glasses... the ones that skewed the mirror for me, the ones that just ignored the scale and surrounded myself with all the glory of our standard excuses:

"I don't have time, it's genetic, it's only because I had  babies, I've tried EVERYTHING and it just doesn't work for me, I'll have plenty of time later, I do exercise and eat healthy... and on and on and on"

I can still use them to delude myself long enough to skip a workout or stuff my face... but I KNOW the reality of the situation. And if I get confused I can review the pictures posted here! :(

I will admit though, sometimes it is hard to weed out excuses and hard reality. Yes, I have come a LONG way from where I started.  (BF was at 49% if you can imagine!).  Yes, I am 42 years old.  Yes, I may have bad genes, shoulder issues, knee issues (one is a bad running knee, the other dislikes box jumps LOL).  All these may be true... but they can also become excuses.  It's hard.

This weekend I head out to the Arnold Classic... what a humbling experience... ya , even worse than just participating in my daily wod.  No one there knows my story and they probably don't care.  And in all reality, they probably don't even notice me at all... but in my head every person there is thinking... what is that overweight old lady doing out there?  Who is she to be judging Tanya Wagner (CrossFit Games 2009 Fittest Woman on Earth) on reps? (Yep... I got to judge her at regionals last year... INSANE!)  It's all in my head... it's all my own issues... the constant battle. But I will go... that is how I win the battle.  I go, I wod, I blog.  I SHOW UP and the head game is (mostly) won!

I will not be the person that has an excuse for every little failure.  I accept responsibility and am going to move forward.

Ok... this week has been good/bad.  I've been eating Chipotle w my awesome coupons.  I know this is not the ideal way to go about this... but it has been a good jump start (she says as visions of choc chip cookies dance through her head).  I have been eating once a day, other than a few nuts in the evening.  But I have been clean all week!  It's a start.

WOD's

2/28
30 deadlifts @ 95
30 burpees
30 pistols (band assisted)
30 pull ups (back on the bands w a shoulder issue)
2 rounds for time
2 miles on treadmill (first run since September)

3/1
some convoluted thing with box jumps and front squats... lol
then 60 OHS for time
Then run 2.5 miles, 30 ring rows, 20 strict (banded) pull ups

3/2
6 push ups
9 box jumps
21 pull ups (banded)
21 ring dips (banded)

3/3
Power Elizabeth
21/15/9
Power cleans @ 75#
Dips (banded)
30 ring rows, 3 mile run

Time to Quit?

I admit it.  I wrote those words.  I get frustrated and emotional and discouraged.  I want to look and perform like a CrossFit poster child.  It's not going to happen.  I am so grateful for those of you that support me and call bs when you hear it.  That is why this blog exists.  I need people who are willing to be brutally honest and to challenge me.  However, that street goes both ways. I received these words in response to my frustration, from a person I love and admire.

"I am not trying to be insensitive to your frustration - I can relate all too well.  Give it up and you'll have regret, self-loathing and a fat butt.  Your choice. But quitting just is not an option"

These are awesome words of truth that I needed to hear.  They should be printed out and posted in the kitchen, or just memorized. By YOU and me!!

YOU is the person who wrote those words.  Or is it YOU?  I understand the struggle.  I live it everyday. I understand the pain, the frustration, the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.  It's so much easier to blame the world around us. Let's be honest... there is only one responsible party.  It is YOU and I.

I know the excuses... they are the same ones we hear from alcoholics and addicts everyday.  "You don't understand my situation"; "That won't work for me because..."; "I need to do it my way".  Bullshit. The reality is that the rules apply to everyone.  The ones who succeed in treatment are those who are willing to say "OK, I admit my way is not working, and I will do whatever you tell me I need to do regardless if I like it or not". If 'your way' worked, you wouldn't be in this mess, would you??

Ingesting more calories than your body needs, more than you expend in exercise will result in weight gain.  Weight gain impacts every area of your life and the lives of your family members.  You may not realize it, may not acknowledge it, but it is reality whether or not you are willing to address the issue.

You say that Paleo food doesn't make you happy but from what I can see neither does eating crap and being fat.  You can say "quitting is not an option" to me, but not apply it to yourself.   YOU need to do this for yourself and your family and quit making excuses. It might not be fun, but it's worthwhile.  And you can succeed if you stick with it.

Find a plan.  Do the Paleo Solutions, the Whole Nine, Atkins, Weight Watchers... whatever will work for you.  Log your food so you know what you are eating. Use Fatsecret or livestrong or fitday.  Join the PCF challenge or find another.  Log it all.  Be honest and share it with people that can help you. Get accountable with someone.  YOU don't like accountability?  tough shit. You don't like being fat and unhappy. You're an adult.  It's time to 'man (or woman) up', admit you need some help and quit making excuses.

Food is something your body needs to function.  Food is not a mood, a social event, entertainment or a sedative.  It's fuel.  Use it as intended.  Suck it up, swallow it down and eat enough to not be hungry.  Plan times that you can use food in the above mentioned ways if it helps, but it can't be an everyday occurrence.

My body LOVES carbs and sugar and feels empty without them.  I can ingest an entire cow and still feel hollow inside although my skin is stretched to the limit.  My body is screaming for carbs and sugar.  It doesn't even know what to do with nutrient dense food.  I know logically I can't be hungry, yet I feel like I'm starving.  It's an illusion.  And let's be honest.  How much damage is a few days or weeks of hunger going to inflict?  I could probably fast for a month without needing hospitalization.  After a few weeks my body starts to figure it out and it adjusts. I do eat more often when eating clean, but I am eating what my body needs, not just filling it with over-processed sludge.

YOU can do this. I can do this. and you're right... quitting is not an option.  Suck it up, gather some friends and move forward!!

Jan. 13 - Fight Gone Bad 191.  Not as good as some past scores, but it is what it is.  Clean eating all day!

Today - 'Asses a Fire' - 400 ft lunge, Squats 60/50/30, KB Swings 1 pood (American) 30/20/10   14:04
Power clean 100#PR

Clean until tonight ... had pizza with my sweetie, but back on the band wagon tomorrow.  Body Fat down 1.5% since last week.  :)

Success = Transparency??

Sooo, someone said to me this week... "I saw your blog. It's nice to do that, but it's easy to tell everyone what you're doing when you're successful.  No one wants to share or admit failures".  I had to stop and process that a bit.

First I have to question... are you really reading here??  This blog is for me precisely because I do in fact fail constantly.  Yes, I have had some success... but as a whole, I wouldn't classify myself that way. I gained 8 pounds in the month of December, for crying out loud!!!  I could list the many many reasons, but then will just get hit for being too negative on myself.  Suffice it to say... I do not look or perform like someone two years into CrossFit should.  Have I lost weight?  YES!  Have I improved my fitness? YES! Am I overall better off than I was two years ago? YES!  Have I won the game?  NO!

And weight gain/loss is such a funny thing.  In our (well, MY head anyway) heads its a private struggle that we are scared to share with the world.  REALLY?  Unlike a large variety of issues that people secretly struggle with weight is typically not on the list (yes, there are people who struggle with food/weight issues, but maintain a normal enough weight that the struggle in not apparent. However, those are the minority here in the USA!) How is it that we allow this issue to be put under the table and pretend it doesn't exist? It reminds me of watching a two year old play hide and seek.... they think if they close their eyes and can't see you... you must not be there anymore.  The weight is there.... for the whole world to see, but somehow our private mirrors become warped and untrue.

When Ginhamsburg first approached me about joining their 'Unstuck' program I was appalled.  I was told I would have to stand on stage with my weight and measurements listed on the big screen.  I would be video taped and interviewed... thousands of people would know my secrets (weight); something my husband of 13 years didn't even know. I was sure people would even question why I was involved in such a program.  I was sure they would think... "you certainly don't need a program like that".  Yet, as I stood on that stage... (one of the most difficult moments in a not easy life) I realized the opposite was true.  The whole world knew I had a weight problem.  It was apparent to everyone.  They may not have known exactly what I was eating... but clearly I was eating way more than my body needed for sustenance.  There was no secret.  No one was surprised but me.

That moment was my first step into transparency and honesty.  And while it was difficult, I believe it was necessary.  It is only when we are honest with ourselves that we can be honest with others and expect the same in return. At that point I had no idea if I would be successful.  It is probably safe to say I assumed I would not be.  How many thousands of diets had I failed in the last few years?  I became 'transparent' because I was desperate and out of options.  Whey did it have to come to that??

  How is it that we live in a country where it's normal to hear "I'm going to start going to the gym as soon as I've lost my first 20 pounds"? What does that say about our perspective on fitness and exercise?  Is fitness only for the beautiful ones;  the ones who simply glisten as they 'work out' and read Vogue Magazine?  Why are we afraid to admit fitness is hard and dirty work?  Necessary work.

No one I know would stand by and just watch a friend walking in front of an oncoming semi.  But we will sit at dinner watching a morbidly obese friend take their third helping of desert.  Why is it not ok to say, I love you, I'm concerned about you and how can I help you? Are we afraid to talk about health lest we condemn ourselves with our habits?  In silence we are all accomplices. 

Here is a recent study that shows friends can and do influence our weight.   It shows that
"The more obese friends you have, the more likely you are to become obese, a new study suggests. This confirms previous research that gaining weight may be socially contagious. Researchers aren't sure why this is true. It may be that if you have a lot of friends with unhealthy eating habits, you wind up with similar eating habits, Rand says."

ok, enough rant.  Suffice to say I am here because I struggle daily... minute to minute.  I have found the only way to make this work is with honesty, accountability and positive peer pressure.   I hope that someone loves each of you enough to start being honest.  It could save a life.

WOD on empty stomach

Power Snatch (had to scale to 45#)
Burpees
KB swings 35#
Double Unders

10/9/8/7/6/5/4/3/2/1  17:33

Post wod - hard boiled egg
Lunch  - shredded beef, green peppers/onions/almonds
Dinner - Zucchini stuffed with ground chicken, onions/garlic, almonds

Jan. 6

PCF wod - 6 Handstand Push-ups (scaled with static handstand hold)
                   9 power cleans (scaled to 85/then 75)
                   12 weighted ring dips (well, my body is plenty weighted... still used a small band)
                   15 box jumps   ya, we all know how I feel about those!
                   1 rope climb (scaled with knotted rope)
                                                   4 rounds for time    22:40
Only good thing I'll say about this is that my rope climbs are getting better.  I'll take anything I can get! ;)

Hump Day Survival Mode

Low on sleep and patience. :)  Exhausted from lack of sleep.  Had profound thoughts, but they will have to wait till tomorrow. ;)

Food was... sub par.

Benchmark 1 rep max today for the  Recomp-Revolution @ Practice CrossFit  so-so.  Thruster 85# (pr), Back Squat 125#, Deadlift 215#.  Have 5 weeks to get those numbers up!

Did Measurements today.  Wow, depressing.  Have 5 weeks to get THOSE numbers down!!!
Get it together girl!!!!